Chapter 89: Don’t Force Us to Slap You When We’re Happiest!

His grandmother was his elder aunt, and his mother was his younger aunt.

This, this...

The old Hongwu Emperor, the Fourth Zhu, the Young Fourth Zhu, the two Big Fats, the three Little Zhus, and the uncle-and-nephew pair of Zhu Qiyu and little Zhu Jianshen behind them all went blank at once.

A dozen or so emperors and crown princes had, in such a short time, failed to untangle what on earth this relationship was!

"Actually, the Northern Court was not too bad. The women were supplied by the Ashikaga clan, so at most it was just an aunt and her nephew."

Zhu Youjian added, "As for the Southern Court and the Later Mountain of Heaven, the reason they possessed three divine weapons was precisely because they were the more orthodox line."

"In order to keep their bloodline pure, they always relied on themselves. Fathers and daughters, brothers and sisters, aunts and nephews, and even more explosive combinations... in short, they were all their own people."

"As a result, they produced a great many intellectually disabled children, and the survival rate was very low. Yet somehow, they still managed to propagate like a miracle."

"Wait, grandson, let us sort this out first!"

The old emperor Zhu furrowed his brow so tightly it seemed even his ears had been polluted. His face twisted with disgust, and he forced himself to bear it as he issued an order:

"Lan Yu, hear my decree. These worms who defy all human decency actually live in the same era as us. Kill them. Kill the entire family of the King of Japan for me!"

"Your general receives the decree!" Lan Yu hurriedly obeyed, then reported, "Your Majesty, a scout just came back with word: Xu Da has already landed in the south of the island, in the province of Hizen, and captured the local lord alive, taking more than ten thousand prisoners."

"Xu Da's cavalry is numerous, and they are now marching to join our forces. The seven lands along the route have already been destroyed..."

"Enough. In the future, there is no need to mention these petty little states again. A local lord has only a few dozen or a few hundred retainers; they are not worth mentioning."

Zhu Yuanzhang waved a hand. He simply did not take these Japanese seriously. Aside from the samurai, whose fighting strength was above that of the Ming army, the rest of the peasant soldiers were absurdly weak.

In the old emperor's eyes, back when he had been a child gang leader, he had led a pack of children and could still sweep across two Japanese counties.

After thinking it over, the old emperor gave his orders: "Send a formal letter to the Northern Court in Muromachi and the Southern Court in Kyoto. Whichever side comes first to surrender shall be granted the title of King of Japan."

"By your command!"

Lan Yu immediately sent people to carry it out.

The civil officials under his command wrote furiously, and in the blink of an eye had listed a hundred crimes against the two emperors of the Northern and Southern Courts, clearly stating that whoever arrived late would have his entire clan exterminated.

After Zhu Yuanzhang reviewed it, he could not help frowning and barking, "Who wrote this?"

"Your Majesty, this official did," said a pale-faced civil servant, stepping forward timidly.

"Did you not hear what Emperor Chongzhen said? These people are all products of close-kin breeding. Where are you getting an entire clan from? Can you be a little more rigorous when you work?" Zhu Yuanzhang cursed loudly.

"I know my fault. I beg Your Majesty to forgive me!" The official, terrified beyond measure, immediately knelt and begged for mercy.

Zhu Qiyu, the Jingtai Emperor, watched with envy. The founding emperor's majesty was like a prison of heaven; he scolded civil officials as if he were cursing his own sons, making them fear being hacked down by the founding sovereign.

Unlike the powerful civil officials of the Jingtai reign, who constantly offered remonstrance and always looked upright, fearless, and principled, secretly wishing the emperor would cut them down so they could be remembered in history.

"Revise it at once!" Old Zhu snorted.

"Yes, yes!" The official was drenched in sweat and quickly rewrote it.

Then he respectfully presented it again.

"Hm, this is much more satisfying."

Old Zhu looked it over and nodded in satisfaction. At last, he had vented some of his anger.

"Father, if you make them King of Japan, do I not have to be enfeoffed in a frontier domain?" Little Zhu Di asked in a hopeful whisper.

The people here were simply too inferior. Each and every one of them was like a child. The Japanese courtesan was only four feet three inches tall; one glance made him feel like he was committing a crime.

And as far as he knew, the petty landlords in the province of Iwami had even sent people to borrow seed, supposedly to improve their bloodline.

How extremely self-abasing.

Fortunately, the sea crossing had taken just over a month, so the soldiers were not all that hungry.

The old emperor glanced at him sidelong and said, "Don't force me to slap you at the most comfortable moment."

"Ah, then it's fine."

Little Zhu Di obediently shut his mouth.

...

With Zhu Yuanzhang's order given, the Hongwu army advanced northward in one sweep, causing great panic throughout Japan.

The Province of Bingo.

This place lay east of the mountains of San'in.

Fukuyama Castle.

Yamana Tokiyoshi, who at the time served as the local protector-lord of Bingo, received the news at once and immediately convened an assembly.

More than a hundred retainers sat kneeling in the dim room.

"Bastards!"

Yamana Tokiyoshi, clad in samurai garb, was furious beyond measure. He slammed the table and screamed in hysteria:

"The Ming have invaded Bingo and trampled our land! Since the Yamana clan holds the office of protector, even if we exhaust more than a hundred samurai and three thousand peasant soldiers, we must still defend our lord to the death! We will make the Ming come in but never leave!"

The room fell silent.

"Lord Protector!"

One retainer looked at him with an unreadable expression and said in a strange tone, "The Ming army has a million men. Are they really something we can contend with?"

As soon as those words were spoken, the silent room seemed even gloomier, and all the retainers turned their eyes toward Yamana Tokiyoshi.

"Bastard, what exactly are you implying, Jingyuan? For the sake of the emperor, for the sake of our lord, what does it matter if we die? Spouting such nonsense here, are you trying to be a dog for the Ming?" Yamana Tokiyoshi roared in anger.

"Lord Protector, the great emperor of the Ming dynasty has no interest in this land of ours. They only want those few silver mines, and those have nothing to do with us in the first place. When they finish mining and leave, Bingo will remain exactly as before. Nothing will change." Jingyuan Murao shook his head, and his refusal was obvious.

The hundred-odd retainers said nothing, but clearly many of them supported the old retainer's words. If it were one against ten, their samurai spirit would not permit them to back down.

But against a million Ming soldiers, what the hell was samurai spirit good for?

What was wrong with yielding?

What was wrong with being a dog?

If the Ming army were not elsewhere, they would already be barking like mad.

To put it bluntly, they were not the proper scions of a great house, not true samurai devoted to the way of the warrior.

In the end, serving the Yamana clan had been merely a way to make a living. During their most impoverished days, their daily work had been to visit the estates of various landlords and perform ritual disembowelment as a spectacle.

No rice, no belly-cutting—die in your own house!

"The million-man Ming army is beyond our power to resist. Whatever you may think of me, mock me or curse me if you wish, but I shall not accompany you any further!" Jingyuan Murao said decisively, packed his belongings, and turned to leave.

The retainers looked at one another. With no real hesitation, they all began gathering their bundles.

They were bad, not stupid.

Three thousand against a million—whoever wanted to fight could go ahead and fight. Which one of the people present did not have a few attendants? Wherever they went, they could still find a way to eat.

If all else failed, they could always return to their old profession.

Performing ritual disembowelment.

"Bastards! You filthy lot have disgraced the spirit of the warrior!" Yamana Tokiyoshi swept the items off the table and roared in fury.

Seeing that no one paid him any mind and everyone was heading out, he could no longer hold himself back.

"Wait!"

With bitter indignation, Yamana Tokiyoshi cried out, "You bastards, I command you in the name of my office as protector to stop!"

"Please speak, Lord Protector!"

The retainers looked back.

After a long silence, Yamana Tokiyoshi bowed deeply and said, "Please take me with you when you run. I beg you."